Write Your Own Bush Acceptance Speech!
My good pals at Salon are holding a Be Bush’s Speechwriter contest, in which one can win a year of Salon Premium (plus other valuable prizes!) for writing the best 500-word acceptance speech for W. to deliver at the upcoming RNC. The deadline’s tomorrow at 4.00 pm, PST, so you need to get a move on (get it?) if you want to win.
In order to prime the pump, Salon has posted the speech Joyce McGreevy would like to see him give:
I’m George Bush, and I’m reporting for—I’m making a report. When you make a report it is a reported entity. I ascended this country as a young man, and I will suspend it as president. (Applause.)
I want to thank everybody who’s here. And I want to thank ‘em right quick for everybody who’s not here. Some people don’t think like us. They wear T-shirts with bad words on them. That is my name on those T-shirts. I just want to reach out to those people and say, You know, we all have a obligation to vote. But that doesn’t mean you have to.
Me, I’d just like to hear him lay it all out, plainly and clearly, with no sugar-coated obfuscation: ‘Gay people disgust me, those minorities have gotten totally uppity, the only bit of the environment I care about is in Crawford, freedom means freedom for me to do whatever I want, and the problems of the poor are not my problem.’ I don’t need him to be a moron; all he has to do is be honest in order to lose a big chunk of the middle.
So if you could hear W. say anything (but don’t have time or the inclination to enter the contest), what would it be?
30 August 2004, 12.50 pm
I guess I probably won’t have time to write my own entry with the care attention it deserves, but I did like the quote in the Los Angeles Times this morning: “The president, who was campaigning in West Virginia, called the war a ‘catastrophic success’.”
30 August 2004, 1.17 pm
Mikey: My money sez that he meant to say “categorical.”
His middle name *is* Catachresis, isn’t it?
5 September 2004, 1.49 pm
Tommy Franks wrote in his book about the possibility of the war being a “catastrophic success.” Meaning that the war could be over so fast that the planning and execution they did for post-war Iraq would be more difficult. I believe the President said exactly what he meant.