I’ve been in a positively vile mood all day today; chalk it up to a very trying afternoon of senior thesis presentations yesterday (which I shouldn’t write about here, given my heavy student readership, but about which I will say that 6 of 12 were extremely good, and that I did a terrible job of (a) setting up the schedule, which inadvertently clustered all of the problems together, and (b) using my tenure-given right to say, loudly, “YOUR TIME IS UP. STOP TALKING NOW,” so I brought much of it on myself), and a too-late night in Pasadena last night, and a full week of less than six hours of sleep a night, and four nights this week of getting to bed after 1 am. As my mother used to say to me when I was upset about something going seriously wrong in my life, “You’re just overtired.” Pat, pat, pat. Which only made me want to slug her, which would only have perversely proven her point, which was ultimately about my irrationality and lack of mature emotional control.
So I got up way earlier than I wanted today, bit R.’s head off on the telephone, stormed around the house collecting and taking out garbage, and then sat down to do the thing I least wanted to do today: write an introduction for Bill Keller and Barry Siegel, who were closing out this weekend’s Alumni Symposium. It came together quickly enough, but I resented having to do it, resented having to get out of my pajamas and make myself presentable and go do an introduction for an event that I didn’t plan and for which I’d get no credit. (This is the kind of vile mood I was in: put-upon, abused, wanting nothing more than to be left alone, which really would have been better for all concerned.)
In any event, it’s Alumni Weekend, which means that all the parking in town is taken, people are prowling all over campus, all the restaurants are full, and I’m in that on-display position where I have to smile and be sweet when people ask me inane questions. That said, though, this is the first year that I’ve had a slew of my former students come back for the festivities. It’s been great getting to see them, if my mondo stacks of grading (which I can’t get done because people keep asking me to do other dumb things that I stupidly agree to) and my foul mood have kept me from seeing much of them. This influx, though, includes a couple of regular and/or recent commenters here, and what may be another future few. In fact, the second member of the class of 2000 that I saw said to me, inside of five minutes, “So I hear you have the most amazing blog.”
Which, great. I’m getting good word of mouth. I love this site, love meandering around whatever nonsense happens to pass through my grouchy, overworked, underappreciated brain, and I love that people whose opinions I care about read it, and comment, and tell one another. I’m all for an audience, especially an appreciative one.
But my vileness of mood left me this morning thinking oh great, now people are going to expect things from this blog, and it’s going to be like when you go see a movie after too many people have told you it’s great, and you just think eh. Or worse, now there’s pressure, and watch me get some kind of writer’s block, and not be able to post anything worth reading again.
Like I said, vile mood.
But the Keller/Siegel show was great, and I was actually glad that I was forced to go to it. And then I went to my office and got a couple of key bits of paperwork I’d been stalling on done. And then I took a stack of grading to a local coffee shop and hung out at a sidewalk table, enjoying the sun and actually cranking through some signficant paperage. And then I took three fabulous graduating seniors, who’ve hung out with me for three years through the faculty resident gig, to dinner. And later tonight I’m going to go see one of them in Assassins.
So the mood is on an upswing, as today has turned out better than expected, and tomorrow promises all the pajamas and green tea and grading on the balcony I could want. The weekend may be salvaged yet.